One Thing You Shouldn’t Tell Your Spouse

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Imagine this scenario…

You just received an incredible gift. Even before opening it, you know that this gift is the most special gift you’ve ever received, and you are so happy to have it!
But then someone says-“That bow is crooked, and I bet that gift is going to be lame.”
You try to brush off their critical words, and begin unwrap the gift.
As you lift the gift from it’s box, the same person scoffs- “Pshh! What a cheap-looking, poorly made gift. There are so many things wrong with it, I don’t even know why you want it. It isn’t that special.”

How RUDE would that be!? You’d probably tell that person to back off! Who do they think they are; pointing out flaws, being critical, and robbing you of your excitement and happiness?

What if I told you that, in my own marriage, I’ve acted like that super-rude person?
And, maybe you have too?

Let me explain…

Marriage is a gift, and a husband and wife are “gifts” to one another. 
So, as a wife, I believe that God has given me as a gift to my husband.
Prov 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

Why then do I feel that it’s acceptable to talk to Kevin in detail about what I think is ‘wrong’ with myself and my body?  He sees me as a beautiful gift from God, so why would I undermine that in any way?
When Kevin tells me I’m beautiful, why is it hard to fully accept his words without pointing out a flaw or two?

This is a difficult lesson I’m learning.
It’s not something I’ve done to Kevin every day, or even something I’ve done very often, but I am still feeling convicted to guard against this unkind behavior.

To any wife reading these words, please don’t ever insult, criticize, or demean your husband’s greatest gift from the Lord; a.k.a. YOU.
What good do you accomplish in pointing out your physical flaws to your husband? (Chances are, he probably doesn’t notice those issues anyways. Why call them to his attention?). How is it kind or beneficial to him when you complain about something he cherishes?
Physical insecurity isn’t a physical issue, it’s a spiritual issue to bring the Lord and to trusted female friends who can walk with you through the nitty-gritty details of your insecurities.
Your husband will not clear the insecurities from your heart, only Jesus can do that.
When insecurity arises, spend your energy confronting your insecurities with TRUTH instead of reinforcing them through complaints.Talk to God, ask Him to teach you what true beauty means, and gracefully accept your husband’s appreciation and compliments.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I’m not telling you that you should pretend to be flawless, or to hide behind a mask of fake confidence.
I’m all about honesty and transparency. Truth is essential to a healthy foundation for any relationship, and if there’s one person you should be entirely open and truthful with, it’s your spouse.
It’s okay to let you spouse know that there are times when you struggle with insecurity, so that he can be praying for you.
It’s not okay to respond to his appreciation with self-depreciation.

Let the words you speak to your spouse bring life, encouragement, and truth. Tell him you love him. Tell him you appreciate his hard work. Tell him what your dreams and goals are.
Tell him anything that needs to be told!

Please just remember this…

The one thing you shouldn’t ever tell your spouse is that his gift from God
“isn’t that special”.

Because nothing could be farther from the truth.

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9 thoughts on “One Thing You Shouldn’t Tell Your Spouse

  1. Interesting post! Though I’m not married, I have been in a steady relationship for four years — I’ve found that talking about my insecurities with my boyfriend has actually helped me in some ways. (I’d like to say that him talking to me about his insecurities has helped him as well, but I don’t want to speak for him 😉 ) Walking each other through our insecurities has helped us not only overcome our insecurities, but also strengthened the relationship that we share. In moderation, this may help!

    But I agree — always talking yourself down isn’t helpful to anyone. It may be a cultural thing for some people. Many people in my life would reply to compliments by talking themselves/the object down. So if I told someone I liked his sweater, he might reply with, “Oh, this old thing?” In many cases, I think replying with “Thanks” is easier and healthier.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you for your thoughtful comment! Yes, I definitely agree- that’s why I wanted to make it clear that it’s ok to share insecurity with your spouse in a way that builds one another up. It’s difficult to take compliments gracefully, but I really think it’s a kindness to the other person to thank them genuinely, instead of explain why their compliment wasn’t deserved or merited. I have a close friend whose husband stopped complimenting her altogether after she refuted his complements for so long. I know that’s an extreme case, but I do think it’s important to take a stand as women against self-depreciation.
      Thank you again for your wise words! 🙂

      Like

      • That’s exactly how I realized that what I was doing was an issue — my boyfriend asked me why I was so insistent on proving his compliments wrong. Only when he said that did I realize that I had been making him feel incompetent in some ways, by telling him he was wrong every time he said something nice. I wouldn’t want to compliment me, either 😉

        Again, awesome post!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wonderful post! I like the analogy used. I’d definitely yell at anyone that says bad stuffs about a gift I’m excited about 🙂 I also like how you pointed out that insecurities are best dealt with by the help of the good Lord not by our physical strength. I enjoyed reading this and I already love your blog! God bless ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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